A Little Deer

Trying to find an upside

 As I type, I can hear a giant excavator in my front yard digging a hole to China. They have to replace an old sewer pipe that runs directly under my lovely garden. At least it used to be lovely. Right now the contents of my garden are in my very generous neighbors yards waiting to be re-planted. David and I spent so much time this spring planting new things, making a meandering rock pathway. We were so excited how all the things we put in last year were speading out. The litle crabapple was beginning to bloom. All to be dug up in a few minutes time. 

Normally I would be fuming, angry and near tears. For some reason I am feeling pretty calm. I'm trying to find a positive in all this beside just getting new plumbing and the ability to use water again in our house. I know David and I won't have the desire or the time to rebuild the garden like it used to be. I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity to have a fresh new design, since all that will be left of our garden is a giant pile of dirt. A clean slate.

Perhaps it will be even better than before.

Playing nice, with ourselves

 I have a very chatty inner dialog that goes on in my head each day from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. Some are reminders of what needs to get done, a reaction to something, random thoughts, ideas,questions and something else a bit more, well, more sinister...it's how critical and downright nasty we can be to ourselves. We do it without even paying attention to it. I mean have you ever stopped and said what you think in your head out loud to yourself?

The only way I was able to put it into perspective and to quiet (but not stop...yet!) that voice, was to imagine speaking out loud the very things I say to myself on a daily basis, to a dear friend, my children, my spouse...anyone for that matter. Horrible right? You would never say those things, and would not be friends with someone who did. So why do we do it to ourselves, do we think we aren't worth it? It's really sad the hole we dig ourselves into. It's almost like we jump into that hole willingly and then try to pile dirt on top of ourselves, burying our true self. The one that shimmers and laughs and embraces and loves. The one who forgives and is brave beyond belief.

 So today, I ask you all to be gentle with yourself, really listen to that inner voice. I promise she does have wonderful and sweet things to say, just don't forget to put that nasty one out to pasture (at least for today).  

Finding my path ...again

 It has been hard these last few years, fumbling along with no clear direction or even an inkling of inspiration. The flood gates have certainly been opened again and I am filled with creative energy so fierce it's dizzying. I'm trying to keep steady and pace myself (so very, very hard) and I'm crazy excited about two upcoming e-courses I'm going to take, umm, simultaneously (whats that about multi-tasking).

The first is Mondo Beyondo and it's sounds so mysterious and wonderful I'm chomping at the bit to experience some serious manifesting of my dreams and goals. 

The second is Kelly Rae's class "Flying Lessons". Words do not do justice to this tour-de-force of a creative soul. I WANT TO BE HER when I grow up. She will only be offering this course now and has no idea when she will be able to host another so I jumped at the chance to hear all about how she has accomplished such amazing things in such a short period of time. If you don't know her, I highly suggest you familiarize yourself with her work. Her art, besides being totally gorgeous, has such a connective quality to it, touching people on a really deep level. Something I feel has been lacking in my most recent work...recent being umm, like 2 years ago. 

I am feeling so grateful and blessed with this inspiration coursing through my body. I'm also reading Kari Chapin's new book ( A MUST BUY) and I am devouring it. It's the perfect book for me right now. I'm all about gathering up my "tools" to start fresh again with my work.  

I used to be so afraid of change, it feels good to embrace it.

Lessons from a 4 year old

 I'm a multi-tasker. I PRIDE myself on how well I can juggle a few household tasks at once. I can figure out how to fold laundry, boil water and feed the dog as quickly as possible with as few missteps as possible. I LOVE to make lists and see how many tasks I can get done in one day. Efficiency was my friend. How can I wash diapers, clean the kitchen and feed the kids simultaneously? I'm this mom tornado on my "good" days.

Having Judah has changed so much for me. I can hardly get anything done these days it seems. He is so different from Gabe and wants to be held all the time or he will literally scream until you do pick him up. There is only so many things you can do one-handed! Can I add in that this kid is at least 20 lbs if not more? My arms ache sometimes and yes, I have tried baby wearing and we do a lot of that out and about the city but not as much in the house because it really limits my mobility to do tasks that require bending and reaching high and, well, he still cries. 

I have been reading this book and the author talks about how you really have to stop trying to be so efficient and just do one thing at a time and be present in it. Enjoy it even. I read it nodded my head saying "yup thats a great idea", but not really committing to the philosophy of it. Which brings me to the real point of my story...

The boys and I were at the library the other day to return books that I had gotten through the inter-library loan on-line (so efficient!) and Gabe wanted to go to the children's area to play and perhaps bring home a few books. I was so tired from lack of sleep I sat down in a chair to nurse Judah and told Gabe that he would have to go find books by himself. He came back with two and them decided to bring only one home. I asked "Are you sure you don't want more" and he nodded that, yes, one was all he wanted. It seemed like such a waste to go to the library for only one book but off we went to the checkout desk. On the way out to the car the gears started turning in my brain and I had an "aha" moment.

One thing at a time IS a good thing. Gabe wanted to enjoy this book without any pressure to read any others during his time with it. It wasn't about trying to read as many books as he could in his allotted time. These confines that we put ourselves in as adults everyday with almost everything we do didn't apply to him. It was beautiful. Lesson learned...from a 4 year old. 

 Since then I have really been trying to take what I read in the book to heart and accomplish only one thing at a time. Do it until it's complete before rushing off to the next thing or stopping in the middle to do something else. This all happened last week and I'm happy to report that I have actually been accomplishing more and my house does seem a bit more organized with less half finished tasks starting me in the face. My head isn't spinning from my very often dizzying list of to-do's. 

Thank you Janet Luhrs and thank you Gabe.

One of those days...

 

I have had a pretty magical day filled with peacocks, rainbows and a $7 sex-pot skirt. Hope yours has been just as good!

 
 

The perks of spring

  
 We have a fun time going to a 4-H farm thats about 20 minutes away from the house. Gabe was delighted to be able to "help" with the spring lambs. I just found out they are doing  week long summer camps this summer for his age group....something to think about.

 
 We have also been enjoying all the seriously delish asparagus that is in season. We eat it almost everyday. I even pureed some into baby food so Judah wasn't left out. I made a super simple frittata with chorizo and tender baby potatoes from this book. So far I have made 3 recipes and ALL of them have been stellar. I love you Jamie Oliver! Tonight it's his lamb kebabs, made with fresh local lamb from the farmer's market.

Going it alone....

 

Going it alone is HARD. David was away on business for most of last week and I had the boys from sun up till sundown everyday and I was exhausted when he got back Friday afternoon! We welcomed him home with a homemade banner, hugs and kisses and lots of decorations!

 Our weekend wasn't really all the restful between the whining (Gabe's), teething (Judah) and a nasty cold (David).  We did sneak away on Saturday night to celebrate our anniversary (6 years!), we went to our favorite place, the food was so yummy and so was the wine. On Monday David had to have a colonoscopy (he's young but has ulcerative colitis, so need to be checked regularly every year) and when he came home he slept most of the day. I . WAS . SO. TIRED. I don't know how you single moms do it!

I'm happy to report my energy is back and I'll be posting regularly the rest of the week!

things get hectic...

  Have I told you I get overwhelmed easily? I have been getting the most beautiful comments and e-mails and it makes me feel so good inside. I'm actually overwhelmed at the wonderful stories and words and I'm kinda freaked out I may not respond well enough to each of you. So I have been avoiding my e-mail. I'm hoping to get out of this weird space soon and really open my heart to those of you I have not gotten back to yet. Please accept my deepest apologies.

I'll be back on Thursday with a vlog if I can manage to figure out how to do it!

Feeling Nostalgic...

As a child of the 80's I was musically influenced by my older and much cooler cousins (thank you Tom, Steph and Leslie)....Enjoy and feel free to tell me your old or new favorites!

Brene Brown Contest Winner!

"A grubby Gabe after playing all morning in the dirt" 

And the winner is... Katie from katielicht ! Email me your address so I can send your book in the mail!