I have always been one of those people who prefers to be alone, or at least I thought I did. I was always a self professed introvert who thought I was better off working alone. I'm like my four-year-old "I can do it by myself"! I find myself questioning that now...big time.
If motherhood has taught me one thing, it's that I can't do it alone. I NEED help, from my husband, my family and my friends. I have been having a really hard time managing the boys lately and have found myself falling into the worst kind of funk. The kind where you question your validity as a parent. You rip yourself to shreds thinking you are too selfish to have children because you don't always want to be here with them. You yell and scream and stamp your feet...you cry at the unfairness of it all. You mourn your old life, your child-free days where you weren't six feet under in RESPONSIBILITY.
It can be so daunting. When I get like this I immediately want to bottle it up and shove it down deep where no one can see. It fills me with shame, embarrassment and fear. I'm learning that not only is that not good for me, but it's not good for those I am close too as well. So I did something different this time, I took a breath and tested the waters of trust. I sent out a request for help and support from my friends not really knowing what I would get in return and you know what....I was BOWLED OVER in support. My wonderful, dear, sweet friends (all of whom are mothers) jumped at the chance to lend me tidbits of advice, hugs, offers to take the kids for a bit, playdates, ect (I LOVE YOU GUYS!). They had all been where I was, or were experiencing the same thing in some capacity or another.
It was the most amazing experience, seeing what happens when you allow yourself to trust those around you.