A Little Deer

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

This is making the blog rounds but I though I would share for those of you who have missed it. It makes my cry in the best sort of way. 

Life. IS. Beautiful.

I have been busy being sick and making space

So I got pneumonia last week and a lovely case of sinusitis, so that's why there were no posts last week. All better now and I wanted to show off all that I have been doing...making a space for the boys to share (Gabe was so excited!). So far so good...all my fears about having them share a space haven't really come to full blown fruition., I hope I'm not jinxing myself.

I have also been on this furniture painting kick...3 pieces in the last 2 days. More to come and yes of course I'll be sharing! I think having so many half-done projects around the house have been driving me crazy. I'm on a mission to complete most tasks start to finnish before moving on to the next...it's hard not to multi task but the payoffs are HUGE. So yeah onto the pictures...

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 

Make Space

 I have a moment to myself today (bliss!), as both boys are napping! Oh how I LOVE when that happens. So with a cup of tea nearby, I'm able to let you in on my thoughts today. It's exciting stuff.

I was gently reminded by Hannah last night in our session about making space. Making space to let the universe unfold and do what it does best. 

Dreams don't happen by themselves, so I'm using my meltdown about being a stay at home mom as my catalyst to get moving on them. I begin my process of interviewing potential in-home daycare providers tomorrow so that I can get two days a week of uninterrupted creative time to get my business back up and running. I have been feeling this pull so strongly for months. There were a few things holding me back, fear of failing, leaving the boys with someone else, all sorts of what-ifs, making sure childcare wouldn't be a financial strain, as well as the logistical side of things. 

Where was I going to work? Right now my unused art supplies and sewing machine are collecting dust in a corner of Judah's nursery. I just don't have the funds for an outside studio space (yet!), so David and I finally decided to have the boys share a room, so that I can have a space to work and spread out and not worry about little hands getting into things. I was pretty apprehensive about having Judah "invade" Gabe's space, but we have always wanted them to share a room, it's plenty big and he is pretty much sleeping through the night now.  So with a deep breath and with David's help we are going to make a studio for me and a shared bedroom for the boys. 

We need to make space for our dreams, the universe will not answer our call if we don't lay the proper groundwork first. Make Space. It's my new mantra.

Community: an exercise in trust

 

I have always been one of those people who prefers to be alone, or at least I thought I did. I was always a self professed introvert who thought I was better off working alone. I'm like my four-year-old "I can do it by myself"! I find myself questioning that now...big time.

If motherhood has taught me one thing, it's that I can't do it alone. I NEED help, from my husband, my family and my friends. I have been having a really hard time managing the boys lately and have found myself falling into the worst kind of funk. The kind where you question your validity as a parent. You rip yourself to shreds thinking you are too selfish to have children because you don't always want to be here with them. You yell and scream and stamp your feet...you cry at the unfairness of it all. You mourn your old life, your child-free days where you weren't six feet under in RESPONSIBILITY. 

It can be so daunting. When I get like this I immediately want to bottle it up and shove it down deep where no one can see. It fills me with shame, embarrassment and fear. I'm learning that not only is that not good for me, but it's not good for those I am close too as well. So I did something different this time, I took a breath and tested the waters of trust. I sent out a request for help and support from my friends not really knowing what I would get in return and you know what....I was BOWLED OVER in support. My wonderful, dear, sweet friends (all of whom are mothers) jumped at the chance to lend me tidbits of advice, hugs, offers to take the kids for a bit, playdates, ect (I LOVE YOU GUYS!). They had all been where I was, or were experiencing the same thing in some capacity or another.

 It was the most amazing experience, seeing what happens when you allow yourself to trust those around you. 

A nice reward...after all the work

 David and I worked hard this weekend to make a new garden out of a pile of dirt.

 There were.so.many.rocks. There still is but at least it's manageable. 

  I wish I had a before the digging picture, the garden looks completely different than it did and I love it even more now. We still have to get some bigger shrubs and add pavers to the path as well as fill in with more flowers. You can never have enough flowers....and herbs. I'm planting those today! 

 Phew! I'm taking it easy today and I find myself staring out at the garden admiring it every time I pass by the picture window. The perfect reward.