Gathering the tools

 

I have not painted anything in almost a year, the last thing I sewed was a christmas present for Gabe. It's been about a year since my Etsy shop was open. Why? 

OH gosh there are so many reasons. Jealousy, depression, you name it, it all had it's part. It was so awful to see all these artists around me succeed and blowing people out of the water with their work. I felt so out of the loop. Left behind. But it wasn't them. It was me. I say that with confidence now. I wasn't working to my potential, I wasn't managing my time, I wasn't pushing myself, I was inconsistent and wishy washy. I had no confidence, no business plan. My "business" was a mess, I was a mess, and instead of doing something about it, I silently cursed these around me being successful, getting deals and shows and fancy write-ups. I lost out on so much feeling the way I was. I lost a good friendship, missed out on new connections with like minded people, turned down business deals that could have been wonderful. It has taken me the better part of a year to figure all this out.

Before I figured it out I went into hiding. Disappearing from the on-line world I had created really successfully for myself in the beginning but just lost touch with in the journey to where I found myself sitting. I know I am an artist at heart. It feels SO good to create and make pretty things out of nothing. But I couldn't feel that side of me anymore. I had tuned it out and numbed it up. I stopped reading all the blogs I used to because it hurt too much. 

 After a few months I found a few blogs that really spoke to me, how these people wrote, lived their lives, what they valued. It felt like I was coming back just to read these amazing blogs. I'm still doing a lot of self discovery and I have a few idea floating around in my head about how to approach the next path I want to be on. I plan to return to Etsy, to Flickr, to the old blog. But on my own time, in my own way. Nothing forced, totally organic. It's better that way.

I really, really want to share with you those blogs that pulled me out of the dark those many months ago:

Boho Photography

Kelly Rae

Che and Fidel

Emily Falconbridge

Little Red Caboose

Ordinary Courage

In celebration of the "journey back to me" (that's what I'm coining it) and in honor of these delicious woman bloggers I'm going to do a little give away. I have an extra copy of Brene Brown's book that I accidentally ordered two of. It's amazing and her blog is Ordinary Courage. I KNEW I kept it for a reason. To enter your name in the drawing, leave a comment about how you stay centered and balanced in your everyday life, your art, with your family, whatever. It will be nice to share some tips with each other!

Comments

[betsy]

I'm so pleased to see you back in this space, S! And even happier to hear about your journey to self-care and balance and wellness. xo

[Bernadette]

Hi Stephanie! Hope this isn't too weird! I have been thinking about signing up with Hannah for a looong time! I cant believe I stumbled across your words! I feel like you did about sooo many things and had just decideda couple days ago to make an effort to join her Wed night group. After reading this, I am SOOO glad I did and can't wait!Your words helped more than you know! Thanks! Bernadette (John's Mom-ESNS)

[Bernadette]

Oh, sorry! I was supposed to write how I stay balanced!!! haha! ummm, today it it: "My family is healthy and there's no water in my basement!" That's about it. Check back with me after Hannah!! ; )

[kl]

oh i wish i could say i stay balanced but in actuality i feel quite the same as your explanationof how you were lost in your last post.
i think i just read that one about 5 times bc it is exactly what i need to read and take in right now. it's a crooked path i've been on too, for far too long.
thank you for opening up and sharing. i needed it today.
xo

[katie]

as i said in the other comment, there are a lot of days when I don't feel balanced at all! :) but i do find that getting outside, cooking good food, not watching TV. . . basically, trying to live a real life! -- those are the things that make me feel centered.

[ja]

Dear Stephanie,
I can't believe the kismet in finding your blog posts today!
Your words here, your descriptions of your struggles (not the least of which includes a watery basement!), may as well be my own. I'm also an artist and mom of two little girls. I too, live in RI (see basement comment). I worked as an illustrator until about a year ago, when I stopped...completely overwhelmed. I've misplaced my creative self somewhere, along with my confidence and energy. I spend countless hours reading blogs about the beautiful lives and work that other women create, but I am making nothing for myself.

Where to begin making changes? I am looking forward to following your journey here in hopes that I can find some clues as to where to start my own. Thank you.

[jen j-m]

hi steph, it is so nice to see you back here. makes me feel happy.

[meg]

I stay balanced by putting on my boots with the big heels. It makes me feel in charge and pretty at the same time. So I can tackle the dishes and the laundry and the children and not feel like a slob when the cute ups man comes to the door.