A Little Deer

Make the most of your time here

After watching this I felt so deeply connected to everyone. EVERYONE here on this earth. That's so not me, I'm the girl watching everyone and keeping it all in my head. I don't think I want to be that girl anymore. I'm ready to share more. tell more and feel more out loud. 

Come join me, tell me, what did you think/feel/do after you watched this? 

O

****OH and I'll be joining the conversation now and in the future in the comment sections of this blog. It will be much easier connecting with you all here instead of e-mailing you separately. Oh and thank you all; you wonderful readers and commenter's for bestowing upon me all your amazing stories, feelings and thoughts. It feels so good.

I'm in over my head with inspiration (in a good way!)

 I'm sorry I have been so quiet over here for awhile, I promise things will pick up. Right now I'm soaking up al the yummy goodness that's going on with my two (!) e-courses, Mondo Beyondo and Taking Flight (see my sidebar on the right), both so different and alike and work perfectly together. It's keeping me very, very busy but I love this so much...my next goal after I complete these is to go and attend an artist retreat...hopefully someplace really fun (I may even have to fly there!)

 Whoo Hoo...I LOVE this dreaming thing.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

This is making the blog rounds but I though I would share for those of you who have missed it. It makes my cry in the best sort of way. 

Life. IS. Beautiful.

Make Space

 I have a moment to myself today (bliss!), as both boys are napping! Oh how I LOVE when that happens. So with a cup of tea nearby, I'm able to let you in on my thoughts today. It's exciting stuff.

I was gently reminded by Hannah last night in our session about making space. Making space to let the universe unfold and do what it does best. 

Dreams don't happen by themselves, so I'm using my meltdown about being a stay at home mom as my catalyst to get moving on them. I begin my process of interviewing potential in-home daycare providers tomorrow so that I can get two days a week of uninterrupted creative time to get my business back up and running. I have been feeling this pull so strongly for months. There were a few things holding me back, fear of failing, leaving the boys with someone else, all sorts of what-ifs, making sure childcare wouldn't be a financial strain, as well as the logistical side of things. 

Where was I going to work? Right now my unused art supplies and sewing machine are collecting dust in a corner of Judah's nursery. I just don't have the funds for an outside studio space (yet!), so David and I finally decided to have the boys share a room, so that I can have a space to work and spread out and not worry about little hands getting into things. I was pretty apprehensive about having Judah "invade" Gabe's space, but we have always wanted them to share a room, it's plenty big and he is pretty much sleeping through the night now.  So with a deep breath and with David's help we are going to make a studio for me and a shared bedroom for the boys. 

We need to make space for our dreams, the universe will not answer our call if we don't lay the proper groundwork first. Make Space. It's my new mantra.

Community: an exercise in trust

 

I have always been one of those people who prefers to be alone, or at least I thought I did. I was always a self professed introvert who thought I was better off working alone. I'm like my four-year-old "I can do it by myself"! I find myself questioning that now...big time.

If motherhood has taught me one thing, it's that I can't do it alone. I NEED help, from my husband, my family and my friends. I have been having a really hard time managing the boys lately and have found myself falling into the worst kind of funk. The kind where you question your validity as a parent. You rip yourself to shreds thinking you are too selfish to have children because you don't always want to be here with them. You yell and scream and stamp your feet...you cry at the unfairness of it all. You mourn your old life, your child-free days where you weren't six feet under in RESPONSIBILITY. 

It can be so daunting. When I get like this I immediately want to bottle it up and shove it down deep where no one can see. It fills me with shame, embarrassment and fear. I'm learning that not only is that not good for me, but it's not good for those I am close too as well. So I did something different this time, I took a breath and tested the waters of trust. I sent out a request for help and support from my friends not really knowing what I would get in return and you know what....I was BOWLED OVER in support. My wonderful, dear, sweet friends (all of whom are mothers) jumped at the chance to lend me tidbits of advice, hugs, offers to take the kids for a bit, playdates, ect (I LOVE YOU GUYS!). They had all been where I was, or were experiencing the same thing in some capacity or another.

 It was the most amazing experience, seeing what happens when you allow yourself to trust those around you. 

Playing nice, with ourselves

 I have a very chatty inner dialog that goes on in my head each day from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. Some are reminders of what needs to get done, a reaction to something, random thoughts, ideas,questions and something else a bit more, well, more sinister...it's how critical and downright nasty we can be to ourselves. We do it without even paying attention to it. I mean have you ever stopped and said what you think in your head out loud to yourself?

The only way I was able to put it into perspective and to quiet (but not stop...yet!) that voice, was to imagine speaking out loud the very things I say to myself on a daily basis, to a dear friend, my children, my spouse...anyone for that matter. Horrible right? You would never say those things, and would not be friends with someone who did. So why do we do it to ourselves, do we think we aren't worth it? It's really sad the hole we dig ourselves into. It's almost like we jump into that hole willingly and then try to pile dirt on top of ourselves, burying our true self. The one that shimmers and laughs and embraces and loves. The one who forgives and is brave beyond belief.

 So today, I ask you all to be gentle with yourself, really listen to that inner voice. I promise she does have wonderful and sweet things to say, just don't forget to put that nasty one out to pasture (at least for today).