Judah, in between crying fits
Yesterday was rough. Judah is teething and he cries a lot. He wants to be held ALL DAY LONG. Gabe is having a tough time watching him get all the "attention". I really feel for him.
I cleaned house, did laundry, ran boring errands, went to the library. It was go go go all day. I was so proud of myself at all I accomplished.
When David came home I had the brilliant idea to go out to the middle eastern place for take out and then go to the park with the boys and have a little picnic. I hurried everyone out the door a bit too gruffly and was really anxious to get out of the house and just relax. I wanted to feel the last bits of the warm day while eating hummus and gyro and watching Gabe play politely with other children. I even thought to call ahead for the food. I was on a roll.
So we get to the park, it was starting to get windy and cold and I hadn't brought a coat or sweater. Judah was beginning to get cranky. I open my falafel plate, and to my dismay there were no sauces on my falafel. No zippy hot sauce. No garlicky tahini, no hummus. I had a hissy fit. I was so mad. Then Judah started to fuss...loudly . His wines and grunts felt like someone was taking a cheese grater to me ears. I was done. David tried to be helpful with offers to hold Judah or go back and fix the food order. I instead chose to act like a four year old and silently pout and fume while refusing ALL help from David. Then I melted, I cried and blubbered and sniffed my running nose. I FELL APART. David consoled me and offered suggestions. He was wonderful. I was miserable. We ended up leaving early and going back to fix the food order. I got my sauces.
Now I'm sure all of you know that I didn't freak out because of the sauces. I freaked out because I did too much. I ignored myself all day long. I just pushed on through. Sometimes I just NEED to get stuff done. I want it all, clean house, clean laundry, happy kids, yummy dinner, ect. If you are that person too then we need to remind ourselves that these meltdowns are preventable most of the time. It all comes back to self care. Did I have time for a little silence during the day...no but I could have asked David when he came home to have 30 minutes to myself to nap or read or do whatever tat was relaxing that has nothing to do with the kids. I could feel tight in the chest I was so frayed that when David came home I was a total mess. I know better than to do something even more potentially stressful that I think everyone else will love and ignore that feeling. I need to remember that when I feel like this I just need to stop...breath and ask myself what I really need to do so that I feel better. I guarantee it's not going to be "throw another load of laundry in".
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